The View From The Balcony: “A Conspiracy of Dunces”

It was a quiet Thursday afternoon on The Balcony recently. The weather was amazing and I was relishing being alone there, absorbed in my own thoughts for as long as it might last. Eventually the door opened and out stepped an attractive 40-ish blonde woman with a PBR. She took a seat on the other side of The Balcony and let out a big sigh.

Not having seen this woman before I did what I often do. I said “Hello” and asked her if this was her first time in Oxford. She said it was. She asked if she could sit with me and I said, “Sure.” A conversation ensued that was—how do I say—quite interesting. I began…

My name is Randy. What’s yours?

Just call me Margie.

Okay Margie. What brings you to town?

I needed a little getaway from the pressures of work. I’m from Georgia. Friends have told me about Oxford and I said, “Hell, we’re both in the SEC and I’ve never been to Oxford so why not?” I think it’s gonna fit the bill.

I hope so. If you don’t mind my asking, what do you do for a living?

I’m in federal government work. Spend a lot of time in D.C.

Ah. I understand why you needed a break.

Yeah. Those damn Demoncrats are driving me crazy.

How so?

Their policies are ruining America. We’ve gotta stop ‘em before the illegal immigrants take over. Whatever it takes. But that’s just one thing.

Whatever it takes?

WHATSOEVER THE HELL IT TAKES! Don’t you know that the January 6th attack on the Capitol was an inside job staged by the Dumocrats? Newborn babies are being killed! There were no planes that crashed into the Twin Towers! And THEY created Hurricane Helena, which they wanted to name Hellena, then only gave the victims $750 to help out! Damnocrats I tell you!

You really believe all that?

And you don’t?

All the reports I hear say that there’s no evidence of any of it. And all the scientists know we don’t have the technology to control the weather like that yet.

That’s because all of ‘em are thin-skinned Dermorcrats. Oh, shit! You must be a Democrap too!

I’m not registered with any political party, but I’ve never voted for a Repooplican Presidential candidate since my first time to vote at 18. I supported Nixon. Boy, was I naïve! And now, now we’re more polarized than my sunglasses.

Ok, you GD commanist! You prob’ly want that Confarterate statute over there taken down!

Well, yeah. But at least relocated.

Freakin’ turncoat!

Wow! You get pretty worked up over all this.

You’re damn right I do! You Socialisps and you’re lazyfair ways are flushing America down the toilet!

Again, there’s no evidence of all those conspiracy theories.

You must watch CNN.

So?

You know CNN stands for Communist Nation Now don’t you, you sorry-assed Dharmacrat?

And FOX stands for Freakin’ Obstinate Xenophobes.

You’re a hopeless Dopeocrat!

Actually I’ve got a lot of hope. I hope Republicant’s like you will wake up and smell the coffee. I hope both parties will start working together for the good of our country again. And I sure hope we don’t re-elect a lying, philandering, Bible-profiteering, orange President, Margie. By the way, what is your full name?

I am Marjorie. Marjorie Taylor Greene.

Well, that explains a lot. I think you’ve got constipation of the brain and diarrhea of the mouth.

That’s it! I’m done with you, you Dinocrat. I’m out!

Yes you are, Margie. You’re out of your teeny-weenie mind.

So much for my R&R. You Democrits ruin everything!

With that she slammed her PBR bottle down on the table, turned on her heels, and vamoosed in a huff. And I? I took a deep breath, lit my pipe, and returned to reading Rumi—in peace.

…and that’s the View from The Balcony.

Randy Weeks is a Licensed Professional Counselor, a Certified Shamanic Life Coach, an ordained minister, singer-songwriter, actor, and writer. The only conspiracy theory he fully believes in is a conspiracy of love, peace, justice, and kindness.