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University of Mississippi Magee Center director offers insights for addressing loved one’s addictions
By Edwin Smith
Millions of Americans battle an addiction of some sort, meaning that millions more family and friends are dealing with a loved one’s addiction struggles. But a University of Mississippi licensed psychologist says there is hope for coping with a person with an addiction in our lives.
Survey data from the Substance Use and Mental Health Services Administration indicates that nearly 50 million people over age 12 met criteria for a substance use disorder in 2022 in the United States. This means about 17% of teens and adults have some sort of substance use problem.
“For most individuals, it’s likely you have a friend, family member, or coworker who has a substance use disorder,” said Nicholas McAfee, director of the William Magee Center for AOD and Wellness Education. “The most common diagnosis is alcohol use disorder, and the age group with the highest rate of any substance use disorder are those between 18 and 25.
“After alcohol use disorder, cannabis use disorder is the second-most common diagnosis.”
The best thing families and friends of a person with an addiction can do is listen and try to engage their loved one in supportive conversation, McAfee said.
“Some individuals who need help aren’t ready to seek help, even when others around them recognize the need to do so,” he said. “While it may seem like you need to convince this person to get help, really the most effective thing you can do is to show them that you care by listening and engaging them in nonconfrontational ways.”
McAfee suggested the following nonconfrontational ways to engage someone believed to have a substance use disorder:
- Make sure they are willing to talk to you. You want to generate a conversation rather than start a lecture.
- When you start your conversation, express that you care for your loved one, which is why you are reaching out to them. Also, give them the space to share their own thoughts.
- When speaking to your loved one, use facts about what you’ve observed rather than opinions. For example, you could say “I’ve noticed that you’ve been drinking more than usual,” rather than “Your drinking is a problem.”
“It’s very likely the nonconfrontational style won’t work the first time, but most people don’t seek help the first time someone reaches out,” McAfee said. “The goal of this style is to keep the door open so that they feel comfortable talking to you later.”
The state of Mississippi offers free access to a program that helps friends and families engage loved ones using methods similar to trained professionals. The Community Reinforcement and Family Training, or CRAFT, program is available online.
“In addition to the CRAFT program, which also offers online support groups for family and friends trying to help their loved ones, there are other groups in the community that some have turned to,” McAfee said.
One of those is Al-Anon, a 12-step-based support for families of addicts. Family members also can get support from their communities and religious/spiritual groups.
“It’s also important to dedicate time to taking care of yourself as the caregiver,” he said. “Putting time in to take care of yourself means you’ll be better positioned to help the person you know struggling with addiction.”
Strategies often labeled as “tough love” actually are among the least effective ways to help someone with an addiction, McAfee said. Some people advise that families should kick addicts out of their home or cut off communication until they get needed help.
“This strategy is rarely helpful and may actually prolong someone getting help,” he said. “Another unhelpful approach is to let that person hit ‘rock bottom.’
“Certainly, some people hit that point, which leads them to seek treatment. For others, rock bottom may be death.”
Although addicts need to recognize the negative consequences of their behavior, friends and families should not wait to provide support, McAfee said.
“Fortunately, the CRAFT program also addresses common myths about supporting those with addiction,” he said.
Knowing when, where and how to draw the line when coping with someone’s addiction can be a challenge, McAfee acknowledged.
“On the one hand, we don’t want to shut down support too soon for someone who is struggling,” he said. “On the other hand, sometimes people who struggle with addiction may engage in behavior that requires firm boundary setting, such as using substances in the home or stealing possessions.
“Not everyone with an addiction will engage in behaviors like this, but unfortunately substance use disorders will sometimes lead individuals to act in ways they never would have otherwise.”
