Miami, Florida (WTF) – On Tuesday, May 29, Ronald Poppo was minding his own business, homeless on the streets of Miami, Florida. A 31-year-old naked man named Rudy Eugene then ran across the MacArthur Causeway in pursuit of Poppo, tore off the homeless man’s clothing, and began to gnaw at his face for a full EIGHTEEN MINUTES, in broad daylight.
Eyewitness reports say that when an onlooker demanded that Eugene stop masticating the man’s face, the zombie growled like a wild animal and continued chowing down.
The zombie took no notice of police when they arrived, nor did he stop snacking when they shot him for the first time—he just growled again. Officers had to fire four more bullets to fatally wound Eugene.
Sgt. Armando Aguilar of the Miami Fraternal Order of Police said that Poppo “had his face eaten down to his goatee. The forehead was just bone. No nose, no mouth [remains].” At the time of this article on Wednesday, the homeless man remains alive in critical condition, but a news affiliate in Miami says Poppo’s injures are “so profound his chances for recovery seem small.” Estimates are that 80% of his face is now missing.
WTF News suggests that all Americans prepare for the Zombie Apocalypse, if they have not already done so. We recommend that you choose a location to meet up, procure weapons to destroy the brains or remove the heads of the living dead, keep a backup weapon handy in case your axe or machete becomes lodged in a skull, choose a rock ‘n’ roll anthem to listen to while you annhilate zombies, and go ahead and plan out your last words…
