This story originally appeared in The Local Voice #208.
To download a PDF of this issue, click here.
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D
iane and Vicky are going for a ride.
“Wake up, honey, let’s go ride bikes!”
“Yaaaaawn…What time is it?”
“It’s time to go. How late did you stay up last night?”
“Hmm, till 3 or 4 in the morning, I guess. I swear, that wine was non-alcoholic! After y’all went to sleep, I was still sitting here on the balcony, listening to the waves, finished a second bottle of wine and didn’t feel tipsy at all. I finally fell asleep in this lounge chair, slept what—4 hours?—and feel like new. Fresh air always does it to me. Vacation! I’m so happy! Yeah, and did you say something about bicycles? No, no, I can’t! I don’t know how to ride.”
“Are you kidding me? Didn’t you ever ride a bicycle in your life?”
“Well, no, I did, but I am very bad at it. I can only go straight, no left, no right, no ups, no downs! And I also don’t know how to stop! (Sounds like a story of my life!)”
“Oh, come on, let’s go! You can do it, I will help you out!”
Two days ago they came for a short beach vacation and stayed in a condo next to “Watercolor” summer resort. “Watercolor,” a fancy community, had a bicycle rental, and girls were heading there.
Morning breeze was messing their hair, making them look like two surfer girls, blonde and brunette.
“Hiii,” they sang in unison, with that lazy Mississippi drawl. “We would like to rent two bicycles, pretty please.”
The slow rental attendant was permanently hangover, stoned, and confused.
“Where are you staying?”
“Oh, we just came yesterday to visit a friend at Seagrove, right next to y’all.”
“Well, we are renting bicycles only to the “Watercolor” folks.”
“Oh, please, we will return them very soon, please, please, just for a few hours, why can’t you?”
Permanently Confused blinked a few times and scratched his…hmm…belly…
“Okay, what about ten bucks each? Here are your bikes and locks. You can return them tonight or tomorrow. mIf you need, you can just chain them to the bicycle racks on the shopping square at Seaside.”
Happy girls paid cash, gave Permanently Confused a few pecks on both cheeks, jumped on bikes and took off.
What a ride it was! Clear sky, light breeze, salty air, waves, and screaming seagulls. They went straight, they went right and left, and up and down! Vicky was doing okay and fell only three times, managing to avoid any serious injuries. Than they got tired, hungry, and sweaty and finally decided to take a break.
Vicky and Diane chained bikes to the rack in front of the shopping center, as they’ve been told, and went shopping. Then they ate lunch, drank some wine, went swimming, walked on a beach and picked up shells, drank some more wine, ate dinner, went to the bar, met new friends, danced with them, went skinny dipping, crab hunting, drank some more wine and so on. It was their last night of vacation, so two the adventuresses wanted to have all fun they could, and more than that.
They had only a few hours of sleep. In the morning deeply unhappy Diane was brushing sand out of her “surfer girl’s” hairdo. Vicky was trying to pack all shells, rocks, and driftwood in her tiny backpack. The backpack was squealing and trying to resist. Suddenly Diane jumped up and cried: “Bicycles! We have to return the damn things! How could we forget!”
Rubbing sleepy eyes, worried to death, girls jumped in a car in their PJs and drove to the Seaside Square. But the bicycle rack was empty! They couldn’t believe their eyes! Diane was cursing out loud. “I told you, we had to tie them through the frame, not through the wheel!”
Vicky started crying. “What are we gonna do? We can’t go back without bicycles! Poor guy would never trust anybody again! Sniff… Sniff…Give me a Kleenex.”
They desperately looked left and right. They walked around again and again, they touched the empty rack, as if bikes could become suddenly invisible.
“Vicky, honey, look behind that ice cream stand!”
Two bicycles were standing there wheel to wheel, looking like they were making out, and a little bit farther Permanently Confused peeked around the corner with the most mischievous grin on his face! 
