During Snowzilla my Spirit Guide, Kaw-Liga the Wooden Indian, decided to pitch his teepee in my apartment to dispense his version of the wisdom and insight he thought I needed to hear. The only problem—and I guess it was a problem—was that he wanted to smoke the peace pipe with me first. I don’t allow smoking inside, not even for Kaw-Liga the Wooden Indian, so we went outside on my tiny private balcony and smoked a little peyote. We also had some firewater (Four Roses) to help keep our throats lubricated and our bodies warm in the sub-freezing temps.
We crawled into Kaw-Liga the Wooden Indian’s teepee and did some chanting around a candle since we couldn’t build a fire inside. Then we sat in silence, waiting for the Great Spirit to speak to Kaw-Liga the Wooden Indian so he could translate the great spiritual truths to me. Finally Kaw-Liga the Wooden Indian spoke (in italics) and I responded.
Lighten up, Weeks. Life’s too short to live this way.
Kristofferson wrote a song that said, “Life’s too long to live this way.”
Gonna be contrary from the git go, huh?
Not trying to be contrary. Just wanna look at all sides of things.
Your father was right. You’ll argue with a fence post.
If the fence post is wrong you bet your sweet bippy I’ll argue with it! Anyway, I think time is on my side.
Still the daydream believer, I see. Dreaming those impossible dreams.
Maybe, but something tells me I’m into something good.
Perhaps you should slow down on the Four Roses, Weeks.
But I’m feeling groovy!
Well giddy up, oom poppa, omm poppa mow mow.
Heigh-yo Silver! Away!
(Kaw-Liga the Wooden Indian shot me a really dirty look. You don’t want your Spirit Guide to give you a dirty look. Believe me.)
Did you eat your black-eyed peas on New Year’s Day this year?
No, but I’ve been watching a lot of their videos. I really like that “No Mañana” one. Mystical and prophetic at the same time! And that new Taylor Swift album, Kississippi? I’m gonna write a parody of that and call it “Kickass-ssippi.”
So you’re spending most of your time listening to music and watching videos.
Naw, Chief. I watch movies, too, and I sit on The Balcony.
And that’s it.
Oh, no. I been running those Whirlpool trails, too. Broke a toe, sprained a finger, bruised some ribs, and got lost twice.
And how did you get unlost?
I used the Maps app on my phone. Got it set up with an Australian woman’s voice. Ain’t nothing like having Nicole Kidman lead you outta the woods and save your life!
I came here to impart some spiritual wisdom, Weeks, and you seem intent on making fun of it all.
I’m sorry. So hit me with the wisdom, Kaw-Liga. I could use some. Can’t seem to find my center these days.
Alright. Listen closely. I’m only gonna say this once. You need to keep finding yourself, a little more each day, that real, unlimited you. He’s your instructor. You need to understand him and to practice him. Don’t believe what your eyes are telling you. All they show is limitation. Look with your understanding. Find out what you already know, and you’ll see the way.
That’s some heavy teaching, Kaw-Liga. Where’d you come up with that?
Jonathan Livingston Seagull.
That old book?
Yep. Truth is where you find it, Weeks. Now hand me that bottle of Four Roses and put on Young Frankenstein or Blazing Saddles. Love me some Mel Brooks!
Me too, Kaw-Liga. Me too.
…and that’s the view from The Balcony.
