How many holidays between Thanksgiving Day and New Years’ Day can you count? There are more than you might think. In this follow-up to the last issue, I’m going to attempt to write briefly about mostly other holidays you may know nothing about, and some that you do.
- Thanksgiving Day (November 23 this year): On this day families gather for prayers of gratitude, followed by overeating and fighting amongst themselves. In Mississippi this day is also known as “Egg Bowl Day.”
- National Native American Heritage Day (always the day after Thanksgiving Day): People turn their hearts towards America’s indigenous peoples while Native Americans turn their actions toward taking back as much Pale Face wampum in their casinos as possible. Also on that day are National Eat a Cranberry Day, National Cashew Day, National Buy Nothing Day, and National Flossing Day. No kidding.
- National Blasé Day (November 25): Also known as Who Gives a Sh*t Day.
- National Mississippi Day (November 30): Set to change to National Last Placers’ Day in 2024.
- National Meth Awareness Day (November 30): Meth makers and distributors inventory their stock.
- Saint Nicholas Day (December 5 or 6): Jolly ole Saint Nicholas cracks the whip (literally) as his elves start the home stretch to Christmas.
- Krampusnacht (December 5): Adults seek to punish misbehaving children by scaring the crap out of them with replicas of a pagan supernatural being known as the Horned God and cramming and pushing children into small spaces. Can you say “Satan”?
- Immaculate Conception Day (December 8): Honors the Virgin Mary. Often confused with the Immaculate Reception Play Day when, on December 23, 1972, the Pittsburg Steelers beat the Oakland Raiders on a questionable unimaginable reception and touchdown from Terry Bradshaw to Franco Harris.
- Bodhi Day (December 8): The Buddha (Siddartha Gautauma) achieved enlightenment. What’s not widely known is that he did so by drinking too much fig and olive wine. It is followed by Bodhi Hurts Like Hell Day.
- Feast Day of Our Lady Guadalupe (December 12): Mexicans and Mexican Americans burn an image of the patron saint of Mexico on tortillas and play Tortilla Frisbee while drinking copious amounts of tequila.
- Hanukkah (December 18–26): The Festival of Lights. Jewish people celebrate the miracle of one day’s worth of oil lasting eight days. Non-Jews celebrate a parallel holiday, The Festival of Getting Lit.
- Yule (December 21–January 1):Wiccans and Neo-Pagans celebrate the Winter Solstice. In the South it is called Y’all Day and is celebrated by dancing nude around a bonfire.
- Christmas (December 25): People give each other presents they can’t afford. Oh, yes—the birth of Jesus is celebrated by some on this day as well.
- Boxing Day (December 26): British royalty and upper-crusties gave servants and workers a day off and a box. There was nothing in the box but air, which resulted in impromptu boxing matches across the nation, entertaining the hell out of the elite.
- Kwanzaa (December 26–Jan. 1): Celebration of African American heritage through self-determination, unity, collective responsibility, cooperative economics, purpose, creativity, and faith. It is also sometimes referred to as National Soul Food Day.
- Zarathosht Diso (December 26): Zoroastrians commemorate the death of their prophet, Zorro, by visiting a fire temple and offering prayers. In the late 1970s a single letter was added to the name making it Zarathost Disco Day to include honoring John Travolta and the Bee Gees. In the future it may be combined with the previously mentioned Y’all Day.
- New Year’s Eve (December 31): Inebriated millions watch a crystal ball drop in New York’s Times Square. It is followed on New Year’s Day by National Why the Hell Did I Do That? Day.
If I could, I would add one more holiday to this list: All You Need Is Love Day. I don’t think it needs an explanation. It only needs our action. I wish you the happiest and most meaningful holiday season, no matter which holiday(s) you choose to observe.
…and that’s the View from The Balcony.
Randy Weeks is a Licensed Professional Counselor, a Certified Shamanic Life Coach, an ordained minister, a singer-songwriter, and an actor. Randy may be reached at randallsweeks@gmail.com.
