Just about this time last summer my friend Steve and I went to the Sardis Lake beach. The day was beautiful, and we were mindlessly enjoying clear water, bright sun, and fragrant air. The beach was empty, only a small group of people fishing nearby. Very nice older lady, perm on her white hair, with a snorting and wheezing pug, stopped to talk to us. She was a smiley librarian from Sardis. We discussed the weather, books, and dogs.
Everything went fine-until it was time to go home. We went back to the truck, Steve looked at me and asked, “Where are my shorts?”, like I was certified and assigned shorts keeper. He started looking for them in a truck, outside, on the seats, under the seats, in all trash cans around, everywhere!
But they disappeared…
Relaxed and happy to have a day off, he left the window down on his side, and didn’t lock the door (no matter he was in National Guard almost all his life long and always taught me how to be secure and safe). After changing in the swimming trunks, Steve left his shorts, wallet and underwear all rolled up on his seat in a plain sight. A picture of a clear temptation… I was so happy the thief didn’t notice MY purse behind MY seat!
Angry and frustrated, Steve went to the group of fishermen and questioned them. They didn’t see anything, but one guy suggested that shorts location was somewhere in a ditch now- and they all immediately jumped into the beat up dirty white van and left. It seemed very suspicious, so I decided to memorize the license plate number. My friend called park rangers, police, reported his credit cards stolen. It took time, there were all the questions and tedious paperwork following. I proudly gave the cop a license plate number I memorized, but he didn’t seem impressed much…
Finally we took off, all distracted and tired, but very soon Steve hit the brakes. The poor shorts were laying there, in a ditch, exactly the way it was described! Steve jumped out, inspected them, found the wallet with all credit cards intact in the pocket and screamed,
“Damn perverse librarian! She stole my favorite boxers!!!”
This article was published in The Local Voice #158 (June 14-28, 2012)…Click here to download the PDF of issue #158.
