I love word play in all its different forms. It’s fascinating that the slightest alteration in spelling can change one word to a completely different word. Case in point: if you insert an “h” in the word “wine” it becomes “whine.” To take it up a notch, using the same methodology, brand new words can be created. That’s what this column is about. So let’s get on the word train and take a ride!
Epiphany: An especially enlightening, most often a spiritual, experience that results in deep insight leading to one’s examination of their life for clarity and direction.
Epissany: The sublime ecstasy one feels upon emptying one’s extremely full bladder.
Psychotherapist: One who practices the art of helping distressed people navigate through the vicissitudes of life.
Psycho therapist: A psychotherapist who is more screwed up than the clients they serve.
Breaking News: Important information regarding happenings in a community, state, nation, or world.
Braking News: When an auto mechanic tells you that you need new brakes on your vehicle and it will cost close to $1,000.
Woodpecker: A bird that is known for pecking on wood.
Peckerwood: What my father used to call me when I did something stupid or crazy, but not rising to the level of a felonious act. Often used interchangeably with the term “knuckle head” and sometimes accompanied by a noogie.
Butterfly: A beautiful winged creature that flies among flowers and fields seeking nectar.
Butter fly: A butterfly that constantly lights on your butter, creating the conundrum of “Should I throw out the butter or should I keep eating it?” Just eat it.
Stool: A chair-like piece of furniture with three or four legs that is used for sitting and is usually taller than a chair.
Stool: A deposit in a bowl-shaped porcelain seat for the disposal of human waste, often accompanied by an epissany. Also a water bowl frequently used by felines.
Computer: An electronic device that facilitates one in research, personal activities and interests, and communication with others.
Compooter: A computer that has just crashed.
Toupee: A hairpiece used to cover a bald spot on one’s head.
Two Pay: When a couple goes to dinner and they split the bill.
Fireworks: Low intensity explosive, incendiary pyrotechnic devices used for aesthetic and entertainment purposes.
Fireworks: What happens at home when men don’t put the toilet seat down after an epissany.
No mas: Spanish for “Enough already!”
No mass: Catholic worship services have been cancelled.
Boar: An especially dangerous wild hog with tusks that would just as soon kill you and eat you than pass you by.
Bore: A person who speaks incessantly about things that do not matter, most often about themselves, that makes you wish you were being gored and killed by a wild boar.
Special: Someone or some thing that is exceptional in some way, shape, or form.
Spatial: One who has no gray matter between their ears or is drunk or high.
Covet: To want someone or something that does not belong to you.
Covert: Scheming to abscond with that someone or something for oneself.
Convent: A religious community, typically made up of women (nuns), for those who have covertly coveted to no avail and have given up hope that that which they have coveted will ever come their way.
Alter Ego: A secondary personage representing a desire to be someone else, i.e., Bruce Wayne’s alter ego is Batman, Clark Kent’s alter ego is Superman, and the alter ego of Leon J. Walker, an inciteful man, is Barney Fife.
Altar ego: A way of being when one is in a sacred space, as in “He was as drunk as a skunk on Saturday night but on Sunday morning he laid his ego on the altar.”
Tulips: A flower typically associated with the Netherlands but actually originating from Central Asia.
Two lips: A physical feature of the mouth that is, if one is fortunate enough, used to kiss and convey a message of affection. Varieties of kissing range from a peck on the cheek to what is commonly known as a “French kiss,” an open-mouthed kiss in which the participants insert each other’s tongues into each other’s mouths and, if endowed abundantly, down each other’s throats.
…and that’s the View from The Balcony.
Randy Weeks is a Licensed Professional Counselor, Board Certified Telemental Health Provider, Certified Shamanic Life Coach, ordained minister, singer-songwriter, actor, and writer. He don’t like it when peeples use bad grammer or miss spell sh*t. Just for the record he speaks French fluently.
