Dozens of sign-wielding protesters mobbed Stacey Masterson’s playhouse in Oxford on Wednesday, causing panic amongst guests who had been invited to attend her monthly tea party.
Organizers of the protest claim the tea party was racist, homophobic and against America’s best interests.
“What people fail to realize, man, is that this tea party is actually funded by affluent fascists that want to control the middle-class and ensure that corporate tax rates are demolished,” said Rhiki Shapity, a San Diego-based poet.
Small business owner, Walter Masterson, claims his 7-year-old daughter was hoping to enjoy a peaceful summer day sipping tea with Mr. Buggies, Miss Barbie Bear and Rascal the Raccoon.
“One moment, I hear her conducting sing-a-longs with her stuffed parrot and the next I’m hearing loud chants of ‘We are the 99.’ I didn’t know what to think.”
Masterson says he immediately demanded the protesters evacuate his property, but they refused on grounds that it was “everybody’s land, man.” Masterson resorted to calling the police.
“Had to get the fuzz involved,” said Shapity while shaking his head. “Ironic how the tea party wants to lower taxes, but they are all too willing to ask for assistance from the taxpayer-funded police.”
Masterson says his daughter was unharmed in the melee but suffered psychological and emotional damage.
Efforts to re-start the tea party were thwarted by a “revolting stench” that now occupied the playhouse following the protesters unwelcomed entry. A professional cleaning crew is expected to arrive on Friday.
“Pretty sure Stacey isn’t even political,” Masterson said. “In fact, if you gave her the option to vote right now, she’d probably vote for that darn Bieber kid. He is all she ever talks about. If you ask me, that’s what’s wrong with this country.”
